Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
