just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
