I cockslap morals
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
