I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
