My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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