The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
