he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
