he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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