I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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