I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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