??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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