it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
