I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize