your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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