hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
