very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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