Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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