he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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