does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
