I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
