My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
