i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
