My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
