Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
