A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
