Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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