There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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