I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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