I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
