Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's blow job season.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
