Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
