Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
