When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Dear god my vagina.
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