I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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