She just used a chaser for red wine.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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