At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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