put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
