also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have aggressive nipples.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
