Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
