What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
