Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
