Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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