HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
