I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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