He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
