Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
