oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
