god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
