I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The Olympian is in my bed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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