Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
