Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
