If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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