I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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