Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
