Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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