so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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