Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Boobs speak an international language.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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