My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize