Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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