Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
