I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
