I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I love you. Go after that dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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