I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize