I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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