Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
