I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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