Plan B is the new Plan A
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are we still banned from the library?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
