if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
