you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
