Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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