u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
