i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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