So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
